The Conversations in Our Heads Are Costing Us Business

You sit down to call a past client.

Before you dial, the conversation starts.

It’s been too long.

They’re going to think I only call when I need business.

They’re probably busy anyway.

So you don’t call.

Instead, you update your database. Check a listing. Answer an email. Maybe work on your marketing.

You stayed busy.

But you didn’t make the call.

Sound familiar?

I call those thoughts gremlins.

Gremlins are those little voices in our heads that show up between knowing what we need to do and actually doing it. They take fear, insecurity, frustration, or discomfort and give us a perfectly reasonable explanation for why we should avoid the thing we already know we need to do.

And real estate gives those gremlins plenty to work with.

We deal with rejection. Inconsistent income. Difficult conversations. Deals falling apart. People telling us no. And a whole lot of things we can influence but can’t control.

The goal isn’t to pretend those thoughts don’t exist.

It’s to recognize when we’ve started listening to them.

Fear: “What if they say no?”

You want to ask for the appointment.

Call someone you haven’t talked to in a while.

Go after a listing that feels a little outside your league.

Then the gremlin starts talking.

They probably already have an agent.

I don’t have enough experience.

Why would they choose me?

And before they ever get the opportunity to tell us no, we’ve already done it for them.

The way out is to change the assignment.

Your job isn’t to get a yes.

Your job is to make the call. Ask the question. Give them the opportunity to answer.

You control the attempt. Not the outcome.

Anger: “After everything I did for them?”

You show buyers houses for weeks and they buy with somebody else.

A seller ignores your advice and then gets frustrated with you when the house doesn’t sell.

That stuff hurts.

But if we’re not careful, one bad experience changes how we show up for the next person.

Maybe there’s a boundary you should have set. Maybe there was an expectation you should have communicated better. Maybe there’s something you need to learn from it.

Learn the lesson.

Just don’t make the next client pay for what the last one did.

Anxiety: “What if this whole thing falls apart?”

The inspection is tomorrow.

The appraisal isn’t back.

The lender hasn’t answered.

And somehow, in about five minutes, you’ve mentally killed the entire deal.

I’ve found three questions help:

What do I actually know?

What am I assuming?

What can I do next?

Maybe you need to call the lender. Maybe you need to prepare your client. Or maybe you’ve done everything you can do and you need to go work on the rest of your business.

Not every problem we imagine is a problem we actually have.

Self-Consciousness: “What are people going to think?”

You record the video.

Watch it.

Delete it.

You have a question in training but don’t want to sound stupid.

You walk into a room full of people you don’t know and suddenly decide checking your phone seems like a pretty good idea.

We want to get better without anybody seeing us get better.

Unfortunately, I don’t think it works that way.

Ask the question.

Introduce yourself.

Post the useful video even if you don’t love the way you sound.

Stop making yourself the center of it and think about the person you could help.

Perfectionism: “It’s just not ready yet.”

The buyer guide needs another revision.

The listing presentation could look better.

The CRM needs to be cleaned up.

You’ll start prospecting as soon as you get your systems right.

There will always be something to improve.

At some point, improving the thing becomes another way of avoiding using the thing.

Do good work. Check the important details. Then put it into the world.

You can improve a presentation after giving it.

You can improve a process after using it.

Experience gives you something perfectionism never will: actual feedback.

Stubbornness: “This is how I’ve always done it.”

This one is sneaky.

Sometimes we ask somebody for advice and then spend the next ten minutes explaining why none of it will work for us.

We want different results while protecting the habits that created our current ones.

Being experienced doesn’t mean we’ve run out of things to learn.

Take one thing you’ve been resisting and actually try it long enough to know whether it works.

What got us here can be respected without assuming it will get us where we want to go next.

Lack of Motivation: “I’m just not feeling it today.”

Some days you wake up ready to attack the day.

Other days, the last thing you want to do is make another phone call, talk about interest rates, or explain another inspection report.

But the work is still there.

This is where I think we have to be honest with ourselves.

Am I actually exhausted?

Or am I avoiding something uncomfortable?

Those require two different responses.

Sometimes you need rest.

Sometimes you need to stop negotiating with yourself and make the call.

Know the difference.

Discouragement: “Maybe I’m just not cut out for this.”

Another agent posts three closings.

You’re trying to figure out where your next appointment is coming from.

You lose a listing you thought you had.

Suddenly, one bad week becomes a judgment about your entire career.

Slow down.

Look at what actually happened.

Did you prepare? Did you follow up? Is there a skill you need to improve? Is there something you could have done differently?

A lost opportunity deserves an honest look.

It doesn’t deserve to define you.

Distraction: “I’ve been working all day.”

You probably have.

But on what?

This is one I catch myself in.

It is incredibly easy to spend an entire day answering emails, checking messages, solving little problems, and responding to whatever happens to be in front of us.

Then five o’clock gets here and the one thing we knew we needed to do is still sitting there.

Busy and productive are not always the same thing.

Sometimes distraction looks a whole lot like work.

Giving Up Too Soon: “Nothing’s working.”

You start calling your database.

You attend some events.

You follow up consistently for a couple of weeks.

Nothing immediately turns into a closing.

So you stop.

Then three months later, we’re looking for the next new strategy.

Some things need adjusting.

Some things just need more time.

Look for the signs before you decide something isn’t working.

Are people responding?

Are conversations happening?

Are appointments being set?

Are relationships getting stronger?

Not everything valuable shows up as a commission check immediately.

The Gremlins Probably Aren’t Going Away

Here’s the part I think matters most.

Recognizing our gremlins doesn’t mean they stop talking.

You might still feel nervous before making the call.

You might still be disappointed when you lose the listing.

You might still want to avoid the uncomfortable conversation.

The difference is that you can hear the gremlin without letting it make the decision.

And I think that’s where growth happens.

Not when fear disappears.

Not when you suddenly become motivated every morning.

Not when you stop caring what people think.

But when you recognize the conversation happening in your head and decide that it doesn’t get to choose what you do next.

So think about your business right now.

What’s the thing you already know you need to do?

And maybe the better question is:

What have you been telling yourself so you don’t have to do it?

 

A reminder to feed your fire, 

Lyle