We Technologied Our Way Out of Relationships

A few weeks ago, we had what we call First Call Night.

Nothing complicated.

We got a bunch of agents together, pulled out our phones, and started calling people.

Not prospecting.

Not asking for business.

Just calling people.

“Hey, how are you?”

“How’s the house?”

“How are the kids?”

“How’s life?”

At one point, I looked around the room and everybody was just talking.

People were laughing, catching up, and having real conversations with people they actually cared about.

You could feel the energy in the room.

And it hit me.

I think we’ve technologied our way out of relationships.

We Have Never Been More Connected

Think about how many ways we have to reach somebody today.

Text. Facebook. Instagram. Email. Automated birthday campaigns. Market reports. Drip campaigns.

And I use a lot of those things.

I’m not anti-technology.

But somewhere along the way, we started using technology to support relationships, and then slowly started letting it replace them.

Especially in real estate.

We send somebody a market report and tell ourselves we followed up.

Our CRM sends them a happy birthday email and we check the box.

They get an automated home anniversary message and technically we “stayed in touch.”

But did we?

Put Yourself on the Other Side

Imagine your doctor called you tomorrow.

Not because you had an appointment.

Not because they wanted anything.

They just said:

“Hey, I was thinking about you. How’s that knee doing?”

Or:

“Did your son ever get over that cold?”

That would feel different.

You wouldn’t just feel like a patient in their database. You’d feel like somebody they remembered.

Somebody they cared about.

And sometimes in real estate, we forget the people in our database are actually people.

They’re friends.

Past clients.

People who trusted us during some of the biggest decisions of their lives.

People who helped build our businesses.

Following Up Isn't Always Staying Connected

I think this is where we can fool ourselves.

Our systems are working, so we assume we’re staying in touch.

But I’ve never felt closer to a company because they sent me an automated text message.

I do remember the handwritten note.

I remember the person who called and thanked me after I sent them a referral.

I remember somebody showing up.

We recently had another night where we sat around and wrote thank-you cards.

Nothing revolutionary.

Pen. Paper. A few sentences telling somebody we appreciated them.

Things that used to be normal somehow feel different today.

When Did “Happy Birthday” Become a Facebook Comment?

Think about the last ten people you wished happy birthday.

Did you call them?

Text them?

Send them a Facebook message?

Or did you type “Happy birthday!” underneath 150 other people doing the same thing?

I remember a time when your buddy’s birthday might mean showing up at his house with a six-pack of beer.

“Hey man, glad you’re here another year.”

Nothing fancy.

But you were there.

I don’t think we stopped caring about people. I think we kept choosing the easier form of communication until the easier version became normal.

Level Up the Relationship

The answer isn’t deleting your CRM or stopping your email campaigns.

I’m certainly not going to.

The answer might be much simpler.

If you have the opportunity to see somebody instead of calling them, go see them.

If you can call instead of text, call them.

If you can send a personal note instead of an automated message, write the note.

Just keep leveling it up.

Technology should help us remember who to care about.

It should help us stay consistent.

But it should never become the relationship.

So here’s my challenge this week.

Look at the next person you’re about to text.

Could you call them instead?

Look at the next person you’re planning to call.

Could you go see them?

And when you do, don’t make it about real estate.

Ask how the kids are.

Ask about the house.

Ask how life is going.

And actually listen.

Because that connection we felt sitting around that room making phone calls is something I think a lot of us have been missing.

Our clients probably have been too.